Stepping Out

It’s amazing how on some days, all is going well and then in others, nothing is going well. 

Sometimes, these days follow directly on from each other.

Sometimes, I just cling onto the one thing that is going right to suddenly find that my faith has been misplaced and actually, even that one thing cannot save me from myself.

I wonder sometimes about the choices I’ve made in life. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I regret any of them as I don’t believe in regrets but I do think about how my life might have been if I’d have made different choices in those moments that make you, that set the course of who you’re going to be. 

Buffy quote right there…

Would I have been doing a different job? 

Would I have been living in a different country?

Would I have been … Different?

The answer is quite probably yes. 

Could I still influence those things in my current life? 

The answer is quite probably yes.

But it’s easy to look back and think what might have been.

It’s not so easy to look toward the future and think why don’t I step out and just be brave, disrupt the course I have set out upon and be… Different.

I’m not sure if I can be different; not now.

I’m not sure if I truly want to be.

What I am sure of is, is that I need to be doing a better job of the life I have now. I have to figure out a way to not just make it through but to make it work.

To make it.

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