Need for Approval

Having one of those adult-child experiences; you know – where you are an adult and you are free to make your own decisions but the silent yet simultaneously deafening judgement of your parents rings in your ears thus instantaneously reducing you to a child?

Yeah, one of those.

The decision isn’t life changing. Or world ending. Or in truth, much to do with my parents at all. And they haven’t tried to make me feel guilty, or offer up their opinion or even discuss the matter… It’s the silence. It’s the agreeable yet vague responses and the glossing over of any element of discussion relating to the matter which irks me the most.

It’s like when I was younger. When I misbehaved, I wanted the instant gratification of the telling off. I didn’t like the long silences or the disappointed and disapproving looks. That was torture for me.

Now, the silence mocks me. Like – what do they really think? Are they right? Does it matter? Have I made the wrong call? Who cares?

Why on earth do I feel the need to justify myself or even attempt to over something wholly insignificant in the grander scheme of all our lives?

I don’t feel like either of my parents perpetuates this behaviour and in the past, we have even discussed openly our different approaches to certain issues and decision making.

I know that this issue is my issue.

It’s just when I’m in the middle of it, I struggle to get control of it.

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